It's so crazy, it just might work

I may have mentioned that we have a bit of a lawn in front of the building, where every year the landlord does a bit of gardening. However, gardening is completely contrary to his personality, so it doesn't really turn out.

Hmmmmm...

There could be a synergy here, no? I could ask him to let me make a flowerbed. Then I get more room and more sunlight, and he gets a successful flowerbed. Seems like a win-win situation, right?

I'm thinking it would take quite a bit of digging. The ground must be hideously packed, plus it has grass on it, weeds, and all kinds of vileness from years of people misusing it, like urine, gasoline, and motor oil. So not only I'd have to dig it, I don't think I'd even want to reuse the soil. I'd have to fill it back in with store-bought soil and manure. Lots and lots of manure. Maybe I could get Corrections to come out and dig it for me, come to think of it. That would save me hours of back-breaking labour.

For the first year, I think I'd put asters in it. Specifically, the Duchess mix I'm coveting from Veseys. You get about 400 seeds and there are 12 colours. Assuming it's a formula mix, which I'd like to hope, you have to plant something like 73 of them to have a better than 99% chance of getting one of each colour, and 118 to have a better than 99.995% chance. If you space them 12" apart, you would then need an 8' x 8' bed. Or I could get the Matsumoto mix from Stokes, which is a formula blend of 14 colours. And aster seeds are dirt cheap and low-maintenance.

Then I could get two of those 72-cell starter trays and start 144 asters. Three seeds per cell in case some don't sprout makes 432 seeds. Perfect. I can start them April 24 and they'll be 60 days old by last frost. Though maybe they can't live 60 days in the starter trays.

Then, I'd get the three colours of nemophilas, mix them up, and spread them all around three sides of the bed, so they wouldn't be hideously overcrowded like in my window boxes. They're quick and too numerous to transplant, so I'd just direct-seed them. And then maybe some hollyhocks for the back of the bed.

Then in the fall, I could get tulip bulbs, and have a huge bed of tulips come summer 2013. I don't know anyone else in town who has a huge bed of tulips.

Hmmmmm... I think it just might work.

More bait of Satan!

I got a new seed catalog in the mail. This one is from Stokes. I haven't shopped from them before, but I'm about to.

As far as seeds, Stokes isn't exactly up my alley. They supply not only gardeners but commercial growers, so they have a very large selection of vegetable seeds, which they can ship in staggering quantities. But since I'm not into growing food and there is only one of me anyway, that's rather beside the point. Their flower seed selection is, predictably, more "commercial" than what I'm after. They sell the stuff people buy; I'm more into the stuff people have never heard of.

There are, however, two very attractive features in the Stokes catalog. One is their selection of pansies. I'm in love with pansies since my Matrix experience this summer, but unlike Ipomoea, I have no desire to collect every pansy cultivar ever created. Moreover, there are many pansies I totally don't like. So far I had only found a few choices, mostly as mixes, and although I love the Matrix mixes at Veseys, I was displeased with the overall selection from my suppliers. Stokes, on the other hand, offers over 100 varieties of pansies. I kid you not. And they're packed by variety, not just as mixes. I've picked out about 14 so far that I want. The only downside is that some of them are not available in less than 250 seeds. Oh well... Seeds keep.

And point 1b, they also have twice as many varieties of pumpkins as Veseys. Mmmmm... Pumpkins...

The other thing about Stokes is, clearly they must be getting volume discounts along the way, because a lot of their gardening tools and supplies are much cheaper than at Veseys. For example, the same heat mat that Veseys sells for 39.95 is 28.99 at Stokes. That timelapse plant camera I want is 119.95 at Veseys, but only 86.99 at Stokes. And, most importantly, they have a grow light for only $71.99. That's considerable cheaper than anything at Veseys. Still not within my current budget of $0, but once the budget increases to above zero, I can definitely afford a $72 grow light. That will make a world of difference, I think.

211 days until last frost...

The new love of my life

THE love of my life is my dog, the incomparable Tinky-Winky. Followed by the man known as The Handsome One, whom I've been stalking for years. Sadly, the only way I'd be any less his type is if he were gay. But other than that, I found the new love of my life today: Summer Hill Seeds.

If you go there and search for "morning glory", it returns 54 results. Fifty-four (54) results. Really.

At last, someone who's as crazy for Insanity Plants as I am! (Haha, what a crappy pun.)

I sure hope the quality of their seeds is as good as the quantity. 54 types of insanity... Mmmmmmm... (drool)

You know what I forgot?

Roses. I totally forgot to order up some roses. All my cuttings laughed themselves to death in the fun gel, so I was going to order some roots in the fall, particularly J.P. Connell. I thought I had a list somewhere, but I can't find it. Anyway the supplier I had found will not ship fewer than three plants, so I was thinking of getting J.P. Connell, Alexandre Mackenzie and Reine des Violettes. But I totally forgot.

Oh well.

Like I always say, in the garden, there's always next year.

After the storm

Last week we had a storm of wind and rain that lasted three days. Some of the rain looked suspiciously large and white. I thought the garden would be done for, especially the pumpkin. After the storm the temperature dropped to 5 C (41 F).

And then, it went back up to 20 C (68 F) and sunny.

Of course.

Even though first frost is statistically September 15, there is actually plenty of time left. Last year I still had many things blooming by the time I left for Calgary on October 21. In 2009 there were still things blooming when I left for Yellowknife on October 19. So, I should still have at least a month and a half of flowers.

Sadly, this doesn't apply to my pumpkin, as pumpkins allegedly need 20 C to grow, and don't take kindly to frost. But at least it still leaves plenty of time for the things that have not flowered yet, including but not limited to:

• hollyhocks,


• marigolds,


• flax (still alive, though growing upside-down because of the crowding),


• Darth Plant,


• and the following varieties of morning glories:
  
  • Heavenly Blue
  
  
  • Kniola's Black Knight
  
  
  • Chocolate
  
  
  • Flying Saucers
  
  
  • Crimson Rambler
  
  
  • Double Sunrise Serenade
  
  
  • Pearly Gates

There are a few that I don't expect until next year, and a few I don't expect at all, but over all, it's been a rather successful season in terms of the percentage of stuff that flowered.

Also, the new Adansonia za is almost through the surface, and the first lychee has a root. I boiled one of the seeds that hadn't cracked yet, but it doesn't seem to be any faster for it. And the pear trees are still numerous and healthy. Holly and apricot seeds are still in stratification. And I'm thinking of getting some catalpa seeds, but I don't have a supplier for them right now.

The lemons are still outside. They have not been watered since August 1 and are much better for it. The dieback stopped almost immediately when I stopped watering, and they have not expressed any desire for water ever since. They are still short on nitrogen, so I gave them some manure, but without water to mix with it, I don't think the nutrients are spreading through the soil all that much. I'm not planning on watering them again until they come inside, that way they'll be easier to move. It should only be another two weeks at most anyway. I think they've been quite happy on the balcony all summer, insofar that it's possible for a plant to be "happy".

What else... the chokecherries are still alive. They're not doing much, which is normal as they put on their growth in the spring. I've said that already. The passiflora vines didn't do well in the storm, I had forgotten about them and left them outside. There are still a few alive, but they don't seem to be getting bigger. Oh well. I wasn't really attached to them anyway.

And that's about it. I'm really looking forward to next year already. I have big plans. (In fact my shopping list for next year is up to $290 so far. Hmmmmmm...)

My troubles are over!

Obviously not, since I'm still alive. And still not at work, either. Money would solve quite a few troubles.

However, should I ever go to work and have money, I've found a planter that will solve most of my gardening problems. It's 39 1/4 by 39 1/4 by 16 inches. That's huge. It's 60% of the surface area of all my planters combined, and more volume than I have right now. And because it's just one planter, it wastes a lot less space than making up the same area out of a collection of small planters, and, perhaps even more importantly, it's gonna be way easier to winterize. (One of these days I'll write a post about the physics of winterizing planters, but I'm lazy.) AND it's self-watering!

The things I could do with such a planter... I could plant the 106 tulips and the 118 asters, and then some. I'd put my collection of nemophilas along the front, as they're heavy drinkers and the window boxes don't really suit them. Or maybe my collection of pansies. And I could put my collection of morning glories along the back, with a big trellis for them to climb, creating an even more gigantic Wall of Insanity. I could put peonies in there. Or pumpkins. Peonies and pumpkins. It would be the New Jungle, except it's five times the size of the old Jungle. It would rock like no container has ever rocked before.

The things I could do, if only the Prairies hadn't had a wet spring...

If I had a million dollars...

I don't need a million dollars, but if only my job would start before it's too late to order fall bulbs for this year...

You know what I'd get?

Me neither.

But in the Book of Evil, there is a really good-looking tulip collection. 106 bulbs for $67.70. The tulips are the cheap part; the fact that they go 9 per sq.ft. and need about 10" of depth is the problem. That means I would need 12 sq.ft. of planters and 300 L of soil. Then I would have to winterize the whole thing, too. It would cost hundreds of dollars. But man, would it rock Yards in Bloom next year!

A questionable point of arithmetic

Ever since the asters came through for me on Judging Day, I'm tempted to plant them again next year after all. Even though I clearly said, many times over, that I wasn't ever doing it again. One of the great things about gardening is, I'm not accountable to anybody. Sole master after God. If I want to change my mind about asters, by gum I will.

So I look in the Book of Evil to see what choices it offers me for asters. They appear to have seven options, of which three are not pleasing to my eyes, one is what I've already got, one is all blue, and two are mixes. Now I don't want the one I already have, because I already have it and it's not "mixed" enough. And I don't want the all-blue one, because I got burned by blue hybrids this year already. Next time I want blue flowers, which is all the time, I'll plant the ones that are naturally blue, not the evil mutants.

That leaves "Idyll mix" and "Duchess mix". Idyll has six colours and costs 3.25 cents per seed. Duchess has twelve colours and costs 0.61 cents per seed. Does this cost thing matter? Possibly. Because sometimes the price reflects how much work went into making the hybrid, and therefore how messed up they are, genetically speaking. The Island of Dr. Moreau of plants. And really messed up hybrids, as I've learned to my chagrin, don't always perform well.

So the Duchess hybrid may (or may not) be more reliable than Idyll, and also, it has twelve colours. That's pretty fancy. On the other hand, it's about 400 seeds to a package and it grows two feet tall, so that's an issue. I'm not seeding 400 asters, and even if I did, they wouldn't all come up. Therefore, I asked myself, if I have 400 seeds, being equal proportions of 12 different colours (an assumption that may not be correct), how many seeds do I have to sprout in order to be certain of having one of each? The answer to that is obviously 368, which isn't helpful. So what I need to know is, how many seeds do I need in order to be reasonably confident of having one of each colour?

Aye, there's the rub. I've never been any good at probabilities. So I did some calisthenics in Excel and I came up with the following answer:

• If I sprout 32 seeds, I have a better than 50% chance of having at least one of each colour.


• If I sprout 41 seeds, I have a better than 75% chance of having at least one of each colour.


• If I sprout 50 seeds, I have a better than 90% chance of having at least one of each colour.


• If I sprout 73 seeds, I have a better than 99% chance of having at least one of each colour.


• And if I sprout 118 seeds, I have a better than 99.99% chance of having at least one of each colour.

Again, this rests on the assumptions that (a) there are equal proportions of each colour in each packet of mix and (b) I have a clue what I'm doing. There is no reason to make either of these assumptions, except for the fact that without them, I would have no numbers at all.

Second, the Book of Evil says they spread 12", so each would need a 12" planter. Each. Each of 400 seeds. Hahaha! As if! The utmost I could conceivably grant them is the Jungle, which is 2.18 sq.ft. So if I want to put 118 seeds in the Jungle, they will be on average an inch apart. Well, that's too darn bad. This is my balcony. If you can't live in 1/144 of your normal space requirements, you're just gonna have to die.

The other thing is that the "Pot & Patio" mix I have now is described as "early blooming", yet it took 90 days. Makes me wonder whether those other mixes would ever bloom at all. Maybe I should do a trial run in a small planter, see how long it takes them, and if they work out I can give them the Jungle in 2013.

Anyway, it's a thought.

Garden Ninja and the Test of Patience

I just got my order from my supplier of rare seeds. It contains shooting stars, jacks-in-the-pulpit, and black pansies for next year, and holly. I've been coveting holly for a while. It was one of my favourite trees growing up, and it would be nice to have some around the house at Christmas.

Ok.

Directions for growing holly from seed: soak in water 24 hours; warm stratify 60 days; cold stratify 60 days; the seeds will then take 16 to 36 months to germinate.

Yes, I typed that right. 16 to 36 months to germinate. Plus the four months of double stratification (and you know how I feel about stratification). Ok, so I should have sprouts shortly before Christmas 2014. Sprouts, mind you. Not trees. Sprouts.

So the first challenge is, which of my planters do I want to devote to bare dirt for the next three years while we wait for the holly to sprout?

New Perennials for Canada by Don Williamson

I just read this book, published in 2010. It's printed in China with financial assistance from the Canadian government, which annoys me somewhat. But I thought I'd tell you, my garden buddies, about it, because it might be of some value to you.

It's called "new perennials" not because the plants themselves are new, but because the author feels they could be used more in Canadian gardens. (Actually, he said "should", but you know how I feel about "should".) Unfortunately, like most Canadian gardening books I've laid my hands on so far, it's all about zones 3 and up. There are five plants rated to zone 2 and one for zone 1, but if you look the zone map for Canada, the vast majority of the land is in zones 0 and 1. Granted the majority of the people are in zones 5 and up, but since I'm in the minority, it annoys me. I'm in zone 0a, thank you.

The other thing with these garden books is, they're wrong about the zone ratings. Except Lois Hole, who was smart enough not to put zone ratings in her book of perennials, since it's not unusual for perennials to succeed even three zones out of their rating. Peonies, for example, are rated by my suppliers as zone 4, but there are tons of them growing all around town, so no. And the zones themselves are wrong too, because I'm supposedly in the same zone as Iqaluit, when obviously there are considerably more plants thriving here than there. I think the people who made the hardiness map didn't really bother with the territories. I suppose they figure we don't grow anything up here.

Anyway, back to Williamson's book, I don't really care what he has to say about zones. I can ignore the fact that he's too bossy and he had his book printed in China (which shows, by the way). What really annoys me, ultimately, is that I read through the whole book and didn't even like his plants. I only picked four: crocosmia, Jack-in-the-pulpit, shooting stars, and toad lily. I considered pitcher plants, but they eat insects, and there aren't many of those on my balcony, plus they'd eat the wrong ones. If they could focus on the mosquitoes and leave the wasps alone, that would be fine, but mosquitoes are not attracted to plants and wasps are, so they'd kill the bugs I like and leave the pests alone.

I suppose four new plants might be lots, given how crowded my garden is already, but I'll find somewhere to put them. That is, if I can find them at all. Because the flip side of the fact that they're not used much is, suppliers don't carry them. Chicken and egg, I suppose. So none of my regular suppliers carry any of them. I did find one variety each of shooting stars and Jack-in-the-pulpit from my supplier of rare plants, where I got my baobabs. For the rest... well, I suppose my garden is pretty full as it is.

Anyway, since most of you are well to the south of me, maybe you'd find more of use in this book than I did, so I thought I'd mention it. But get it from the library, don't buy it. No need to subsidize China further when you could be sending your money to, say, Somalia instead.

More things that don't cost much

I went to the hardware store to get rooting gel. I've never tried cuttings yet, but for lack of something better to do, I'm going to try one.

One what, exactly?

I have no idea. It looks like this:


I've been looking in my book of shrubs, Lois Hole's Favorite Trees and Shrubs, and I'm thinking maybe a hybrid plum. But it says plums flower in "early spring", and these were shot in July, at the same time the lilacs bloom. But then again, in Calgary, lilacs bloom in May, which is "spring", so maybe July up here counts as "spring" as far as plants are concerned. That would make sense, actually. The other thing I could try is lilacs, but, meh. Given our location, I'm thinking most lilacs in this town are Preston lilacs, and almost all are pink or, well, lilac. But I like blue things, so I want a blue lilac like a President Lincoln. (I could have sworn it was called President Greely, but oh well. I swear quite gratuitously anyway.) So I'd rather buy a greenhouse lilac when I go back to work, than get some pink lilacs from cuttings. Pink is just not "me".

Ok, so anyway, I go to the hardware store for some rooting gel, and I end up with this:


Another "that's just $2" moment. The gel itself was $4.49, and I hadn't brought cash, and stores don't like to take cards for $4.49, so I thought I'd spend a couple more dollars. I couldn't find a planter I had a use for, even though several trees are going to need them before the end of summer. Hopefully after work starts and not before. I contemplated those blown-glass watering globes, because they're pretty, but I don't need watering globes. Maybe when work starts, I'll get some for the baobabs, since they won't be on the dripline, but for now, don't need them.

So, I got some seeds. Pampas' plumes, I already had some, but sprouting performance has been craptacular so far. Possibly because they're supposed to be seeded in the fall, not in the spring. Oops. The other one, poppies, you might think I have more than enough poppies already, but these are called "Falling in Love". Ooooooooh! Well we could use some falling in love around my house, so, in they go.

And this is how you always end up with way more stuff in the garden than you planned on.

Then while I was waiting in line at the checkout, I noticed it says on the cutting gel, "fun and easy". Oh, goody! I'm always getting told I'm no fun. Ha! I'll show them! I'm so much fun, even my rooting gel is fun. Booya!

Also, I noticed that the library has some nice yellow lilies that are getting way overcrowded, so in the fall, I'm gonna dig some of the bulbs.

I think next year I'm gonna have to move to a bigger apartment so I have room for all my plants.