Plan #1 lasted all of five days. This is exactly why my garden never goes according to plan.
The first revision to The Plan happened because of flax. I've tried flax three years and still fail. There are stalks in the Jungle, but they're overwatered and shaded by everybody else who grew faster. So, I had promised that if I failed again this year, next year they'd get their own planter. Would I break a promise to a plant?
At first I thought I could put flax and globes together. They don't have quite the same water needs, but flax is flexible. In any case, it would look pretty. But then, while contemplating my lemons' water problem, I thought I could plant the flax with the lemons, for two reasons. They're both good with heat and drought, and lemons don't like sunlight on their trunks, so the flax could shade them without competing for water.
Seemed like an excellent idea... until I read in Lois Hole, or somewhere else, that flax has very long taproots and can't be moved or eradicated. So it might not be such a good idea to mix it with any other species I value. So back to Plan A: grow it separately, and when it's established, I can dig a hole in the Jungle the size of the nursery planter, and move the whole thing, roots and all, into its permanent home.
At that point, however, it occurred to me: what if I don't want a Jungle anymore?
Gasp!
Surely I jest. I've always had the Jungle. Its constant failure to do anything I want is one of the defining features of my garden.
On the other hand, it's a nice big planter, and I could put peonies in there. Or roses. Or anything else that isn't just a random bunch of grossly overcrowded incompatible seeds. I could even put pansies in there, though it's a waste to put a short-rooted plant in a deep planter. Then again, I'm so impressed with my pansies this year, they're my new addiction for next year. I have nine varieties on my wishlist for next year already, and while they do well with overcrowding, it's still gonna take some room.
You know what else? For next year I'm ordering seed catalogs. That's worse. When I shop online, I can only spend so much time, so I grab more or less what I already know I want. With a seed catalog, I can look at it as much as I want and discover all sorts of things I hadn't thought of buying. Hmmmm... That's gonna cause some overcrowding, if I know me.
Maybe I could move the oriental lily into the hypothetical peony planter and then make a smaller Jungle in the 14" planter. It's half the surface area, which should put a limit to how crazy I can get. On the other hand, it's shallower, and most Jungle plants have long roots. But then again most Jungle plants live a rough life and then die, so maybe that doesn't matter much.
Clearly, I need a bigger balcony. I should get a boyfriend so he could rent the apartment next door and we could cut a door in the wall, then I'd have two balconies instead of one. (The landlord doesn't mind this sort of shananigans as long as you have the money.) Plus, the boyfriend could water the garden when I'm off to work.
Baaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha!
I crack me up. Like I'd trust a boyfriend to water my plants. Like I could even get a boyfriend if I tried. (I did try. It failed.)
Ok, so x-nay on the oyfriend-bay.
I think I'm gonna put flax with the lemons anyway. It sounds like they'll get along great.
The other thing is, next year I might not have any pumpkins.
Gasp!
Again: failing to grow pumpkins is one of the features of my garden. And while I have high hopes for the one this year, it's really not that likely to succeed. So why not try again next year? Because in a normal year, I would be at work, therefore not available to pollinate the female flowers during the few hours in August that they're open. And there's no point monopolizing a big planter and having huge vines all over my balcony if nothing will come of it anyway.
Hmmmmm... Maybe I should start by making a list of what will and won't be in the garden.
If I can at least avoid "all kinds of random stuff", that will be an improvement. But I said that last year already.
The first revision to The Plan happened because of flax. I've tried flax three years and still fail. There are stalks in the Jungle, but they're overwatered and shaded by everybody else who grew faster. So, I had promised that if I failed again this year, next year they'd get their own planter. Would I break a promise to a plant?
At first I thought I could put flax and globes together. They don't have quite the same water needs, but flax is flexible. In any case, it would look pretty. But then, while contemplating my lemons' water problem, I thought I could plant the flax with the lemons, for two reasons. They're both good with heat and drought, and lemons don't like sunlight on their trunks, so the flax could shade them without competing for water.
Seemed like an excellent idea... until I read in Lois Hole, or somewhere else, that flax has very long taproots and can't be moved or eradicated. So it might not be such a good idea to mix it with any other species I value. So back to Plan A: grow it separately, and when it's established, I can dig a hole in the Jungle the size of the nursery planter, and move the whole thing, roots and all, into its permanent home.
At that point, however, it occurred to me: what if I don't want a Jungle anymore?
Gasp!
Surely I jest. I've always had the Jungle. Its constant failure to do anything I want is one of the defining features of my garden.
On the other hand, it's a nice big planter, and I could put peonies in there. Or roses. Or anything else that isn't just a random bunch of grossly overcrowded incompatible seeds. I could even put pansies in there, though it's a waste to put a short-rooted plant in a deep planter. Then again, I'm so impressed with my pansies this year, they're my new addiction for next year. I have nine varieties on my wishlist for next year already, and while they do well with overcrowding, it's still gonna take some room.
You know what else? For next year I'm ordering seed catalogs. That's worse. When I shop online, I can only spend so much time, so I grab more or less what I already know I want. With a seed catalog, I can look at it as much as I want and discover all sorts of things I hadn't thought of buying. Hmmmm... That's gonna cause some overcrowding, if I know me.
Maybe I could move the oriental lily into the hypothetical peony planter and then make a smaller Jungle in the 14" planter. It's half the surface area, which should put a limit to how crazy I can get. On the other hand, it's shallower, and most Jungle plants have long roots. But then again most Jungle plants live a rough life and then die, so maybe that doesn't matter much.
Clearly, I need a bigger balcony. I should get a boyfriend so he could rent the apartment next door and we could cut a door in the wall, then I'd have two balconies instead of one. (The landlord doesn't mind this sort of shananigans as long as you have the money.) Plus, the boyfriend could water the garden when I'm off to work.
Baaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha!
I crack me up. Like I'd trust a boyfriend to water my plants. Like I could even get a boyfriend if I tried. (I did try. It failed.)
Ok, so x-nay on the oyfriend-bay.
I think I'm gonna put flax with the lemons anyway. It sounds like they'll get along great.
The other thing is, next year I might not have any pumpkins.
Gasp!
Again: failing to grow pumpkins is one of the features of my garden. And while I have high hopes for the one this year, it's really not that likely to succeed. So why not try again next year? Because in a normal year, I would be at work, therefore not available to pollinate the female flowers during the few hours in August that they're open. And there's no point monopolizing a big planter and having huge vines all over my balcony if nothing will come of it anyway.
Hmmmmm... Maybe I should start by making a list of what will and won't be in the garden.
- Yes:
- Lemons, maydays, baobabs, pears, apricots
- Wall of Insanity
- Darth Plant
- English daisies
- At least nine varieties of pansies
- Nemophilas
- Shooting stars
- Jacks-in-the-pulpit
- Flax
- Globe thistle
- Poppies
- Convolvulus
- Forget-me-not
- Maybe:
- Blue geranium
- Peonies
- Roses
- Pumpkins
- Lavender
- Shasta daisies
- Hollyhock
- Marigolds
- Eschscholzia (or whatever it's called)
- Columbines
- No:
- Asters
- Bellflower
- Phacelia
- Lupins
- Delphiniums
- Four o'clock
- Ornamental grass
- All kinds of random stuff
If I can at least avoid "all kinds of random stuff", that will be an improvement. But I said that last year already.
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