How to grow apricots

Step 1: eat apricots.

Good. I do really well on that step. In fact, I now have a good excuse to eat apricots despite their exorbitant price. I need them to reduce my carbon footprint, you see.

Apricots allegedly breed fairly true, so the fruits of the daughter tree should be similar to those of the mother tree. So in this photo, the pits are sorted from tastiest on the left, to least tasty on the right.

Step 3: profit.

(I actually used to watch South Park a lot. Really.)

No, seriously, I have absolutely no idea how to grow apricots. I've tried it several times and they never sprout. So I googled it yet again, and this time it recommends stratifying them.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

I hate stratifying. But there are two more steps between eating and stratifying, so for now I'm on step 2: dry pits. For a few days.

Hm.

Growing apricots is about half as exciting as growing baobabs.